That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I just googled if crying burns calories
So squirting runs in the family.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
