Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
