you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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