ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
