I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Girls should come with a carfax report
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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