Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
