I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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