Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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