I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
My boob is missing a layer of skin
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
