So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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