Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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