someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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