So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
