Please, let me fuck your mom
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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