I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
