i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
