Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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