garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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