i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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