she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
