walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
