dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
