my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
did i just pee glitter
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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