You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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