I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
