mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
