I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You made out with two different species that night
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
