a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
