how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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