he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
