Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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