Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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