omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Houston, we have a squirter
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
