also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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