Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
