Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize
