I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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