I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
