the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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