My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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