I cannot find my penis.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
