you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
