I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
