so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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