An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
