remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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