Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
