I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Randomize
