I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
