Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
